I Am
by Ryuutsu Seishin Hime no Argh
Summary: Shinji's memory is erased and rewritten, resulting in a dramatic change of attitudes and relationships at NERV. Everyone must deal with Shinji's new identity, but how will they respond to a completely different person? Chapter 7 up.
1. I. A.

A note from the Hime no Argh herself- 

This is, er, an odd project. It's pretty much just an experiment of mine to a) refine my dialogue writing skills, and b) see how well I write Eva drama. I'm not really sure where I came up with the idea. In rewatching the series it pretty much just sprang into my head. It takes place directly after what I believe is the eighteenth episode, in which Eva 03 is taken over by an Angel during the start-up test and is ripped to pieces by Unit 01. Everyone remember that episode? Great.

**Summary: **Shinji's memory is erased and rewritten, resulting in the dramatic change of attitudes and relationships at NERV. Now the people in Shinji's life must deal with his new identity, but how will they respond to a completely different person? 

**Rating: **Rated R for language.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, it belongs to the brilliant people at Gainax.

*        *        *

_Act I: In the aftermath of change._

"I can't believe that these are the last days. Misato, Ritsuko, my father, even Asuka and Ayanami- they all believe, but somehow, I can't see it as being true. I can't see how this can be our time, how any minute now we're going to be blown off the face of the Earth in Third Impact. If God is truly angry enough with humanity to want to destroy us all, why would he send angels against whom we have a method of defense? Why doesn't he just swoop in and kill us himself? 

No, I think that perhaps this is some sort of test, maybe to see if we're worthy of surviving. If that's the truth, then I will say this- I hate God. I hate a God that would make our lives, the pilots and mine, what it is today- an endless parade of angels who come to hurt us and be destroyed. I hate a God that would use us in this sick game. Why us? Why three fourteen-year-old children? What great sin have we committed to warrant this kind of living hell?

I look into the future now, and all I see is a bleak, dark road, leading to nowhere. I see my life going in circles now; a revolution of my world, of all the people who stand ringed about me, looking to the future with determination in their eyes. _We will survive, they are saying. __No matter how many hardships we face, no matter how much suffering and pain we endure, we will survive, and that is enough. _

I see myself, standing alone and detached in the center of my little world. I'm not looking to the future, but rather at myself. Trying to decide who I am. Trying to decide who I shall be.

If God is merciful he will allow the Third Impact, and let one tortured soul sleep."

-Excerpted from an essay written by Ikari Shinji

Code name: Shinji One

*        *        *

The buzz of the fluorescent light overhead was deafening, compensating for the silence in the dreary hospital waiting room. Misato Katsuragi and Rei Ayanami sat side-by-side in chairs in front of the window, sunlight warming their backs, yet never penetrating the cold inside. Rei was still in her plug suit, looking her usual untouchable self. Misato was bloodied and bruised, sporting bandages everywhere. They both stared ahead and listened to their own thoughts. The PA crackled, and a woman's voice called for a Doctor Ishida. A clock on the wall ticked away the endless minutes.

Finally, Rei spoke. "When will the operation be finished?" she asked in her usual cool, emotionless voice.

"I don't know," Misato replied, her own voice trembling with anxiety. "It shouldn't be-" Her voice caught, and she stopped to clear her throat. "It shouldn't be more than a few minutes longer."

Rei nodded, and they went back to silence. Moments later, the sound of hinges swinging caught their attention; they looked up to see Asuka entering the waiting room. She was wearing a hospital gown, her arm in a sling and a bandage wrapped around her head, stemming the flow of blood from the gash on her forehead. She limped slightly, but was otherwise fine.

"Asuka." Misato stood to help the pilot to a seat. "How're you feeling?"

"Just fine," Asuka muttered, wrenching away from Misato rudely and taking a seat on her own. Misato let it go. They were all feeling the aftereffects of the last battle.

"I see Wonder Girl is fine," Asuka noted with a sneer in Rei's direction. "Why are we waiting here, anyway? When are we going home?"

"We're waiting for Shinji." Misato struggled to keep her voice from shaking too hard. "He's in the Neural Ward."

The blood drained from Asuka's face. "Mien Gott," she whispered. "You don't mean-"

Misato nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"But- but _why?"_

Misato bit her lip. "Shinji...well...he...he went into a s-sort of catatonia. He couldn't deal with the repercussions of his actions."

"Repercussions?" Asuka echoed. "Then he-" Her eyes widened. "He took down Unit 03? But does he know who the pilot is?"

"He does," Misato confirmed. "He found out after- after it happened. He saw-" Her voice broke and she buried her face in her hands.

"Idiot," Asuka muttered, hands clenched into fists. "And I guess he blames himself for everything. The IDIOT!" Her voice rang in the quiet room. Misato and Rei stared at her.

"He's just an idiot!" Asuka continued, almost sobbing. "Of course he took it down! He had to! We'd have all died if he didn't-"

"Shinji…didn't exactly take it down, Asuka," Misato said hesitantly. "He- well, he refused, and Commander Ikari-"

"What?" Asuka demanded.

"He...he used the dummy system."

A silence fell in the room. 

"It was necessary." Rei's quiet voice cut through the trance. "Pilot Ikari refused to destroy the target."

"Commander Ikari activated the dummy system, and it-" Misato swallowed hard, fighting a sudden wave of nausea. "It ripped Eva 03 apart with the pilot still inside."

Asuka stared, speechless.

"Then Suzahara...?" she said at last, timidly.

"No, he's alive. He's in this hospital too. His leg was severed, but he's alive," Misato muttered.

"So what happened to Shinji?" Asuka demanded. "Why'd he go nuts if the pilot's still alive? He didn't do anything! It was the dummy system!"

"I know, but I guess Shinji still blames himself," Misato said sadly. "After it was all over, he refused to leave Unit 01. Maya told me that they had to force-eject the entry plug and drag him out of it. Then they drugged him and brought him here-"

"Where they just decided to go ahead with taking his memory?" Asuka hollered, leaping to her feet. "And you just let them?!"

Misato stared at her. "It wasn't my decision, Asuka!" she said hotly. "Ritsuko and Commander Ikari decided it!"

"Who the hell came up with this plan in the first place?" Asuka demanded, looking close to tears. "Whose brilliant idea was it? Why do they want to take his goddamn memory?!"

"We need pilots!" Misato yelled, jumping to her feet. "Maya told me that when he was in Unit 01 and they were trying to coax him into coming out, he said that he would never pilot Eva again! We just can't have that insubordination; our need for pilots is too great! And didn't you ever think that erasing his memory might be the humane thing to do?!"

"Bull shit!" Asuka yelled. "Bull fucking shit! Did Ritsuko feed you that crap? I know you don't really believe it!"

Misato sighed, defeated. "That's not entirely true, Asuka. When Ritsuko told me about the procedure to erase Shinji's memory, if the need should arise, I thought it sounded absolutely barbaric. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it might be kinder than to let Shinji live with the memories of all he's done."

"How could it possibly be kinder if he still has to pilot Eva?" Asuka demanded.

"At least he won't remember that he almost killed a good friend!" Misato snapped. "Or that he lost his mother to the Eva! He won't have any problems with his father, and maybe he'll even lose that shell of his!"

Asuka clenched her fists. "Then they're not just erasing his memory, are they?" she said tightly. "They're rewriting it."

"Yes, of course they are," Misato replied coldly. "They can't just leave him not knowing who or what he is."

"Then what will his new memory be?" Asuka demanded.

Misato looked away. "It's fairly simple. He will remember living in Tokyo 3 all his life, training with the Eva since age ten, and having no problems in recent encounters with Angels. And I-" She hesitated.

"Major Katsuragi will be his mother," Rei supplied calmly.

"His mother?!" Asuka shrieked.

"He has to have a family!" Misato bristled.

"What about his father?"

"Ritsuko and Commander Ikari decided it would be best this way. He and his father simply can't function together."

Asuka made a derisive noise. "All right, then if you're his mother, what does that make me?"

"Nothing different," Misato said shortly. "You're the pilot of Eva 02, recruited from Germany, rooming with Shinji and I."

"Great," Asuka muttered. "I get to be the odd man out in this screwed-up plan. What about you, Wonder Girl?" She directed her wrath to Rei. "Aren't you even a little upset that your precious Shinji is having his memory erased?"

"It is not my decision," Rei said quietly.

"That's not what I asked you, you bitch!"

"Asuka!" Misato stared at her until Asuka sullenly met her gaze. "I understand that you're upset about this." She drew a long, shaky breath. "I think we all are. However, that's no excuse-"

"Who said I was upset?" Asuka snapped. "I never liked the old Shinji in the first place!" She turned on her heel and marched out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Misato sighed and sank back into her seat. "I guess I could expect as much from Asuka. Well...maybe she'll like the new Shinji better," she said with a shred of hope.

"I don't think so," Rei said.

Misato glanced at her. "Why not?"

"Because Pilot Soryu loved Shinji," was the reply.

"She _what?" Misato demanded, incredulous, but then the door swung open again._

"Misato." It was Asuka, standing sullenly in the doorframe with a nurse at her side. "Shinji's awake."

Misato jumped to her feet, wincing as she strained her injuries. "How is he?"

"I haven't seen him yet, how should I know?" Asuka said irritably. 

"All right." Misato walked swiftly to the door and out into the hall, followed closely by Rei, then Asuka. "I'll go see him."

"I will accompany you," said Rei.

"Me too," Asuka added.

"No." Misato halted and threw out an arm to stop them both. "No one sees him before I have. It's my job to answer any questions he might have about his new past. If either of you were to forget yourselves and start talking about the past you know, he'll just be confused."

"Understood," Rei said. Misato didn't stick around for Asuka to decide to start arguing, but marched off down the hall toward the Neural Ward.

*        *        *

To be continued.


	2. B.

__

A note from the Hime no Argh herself-

Okay, well, before we move on to the next section, there's something I want to clarify in response to a review. This chapter introduces "the new Shinji" and you should know that yes, he is extremely OOC. This is basically because he's no longer Shinji Ikari. Part of the purpose of this story is to see how the others will react to this new and different Shinji. I'm not going to say where the story will eventually go, but it just might be interesting, so I hope you will bear with me. I will try my very best to keep everyone else in character. Thanks for reading, thanks for the reviews.

***

Ritsuko, standing outside the door as though she were on guard duty, stopped Misato before she could enter the room in which Shinji waited. "Stick to the story, Misato," she said quietly. "Keep in mind that he knows nothing of his former life."

"I know that, Dr. Akagi," Misato snapped, then quite suddenly the anger drained out of her. "I can't believe how scared I am," she whispered, feeling herself trembling. "What's he like?"

Ritsuko gripped her shoulder, firm and reassuring. "He's like Shinji." Then she gave Misato a little shove toward the door. "Good luck."

"Thanks." Misato squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. Then she opened the door and walked into the hospital room.

Shinji lay in bed surrounded by humming machines, staring quietly at the ceiling. Nodes were planted on his forehead and connected to one of the machines- Misato knew that Ritsuko was monitoring his brain activity, making sure that there were no irregularities from the procedure that had erased and rewritten his memory. Shinji glanced at her as Misato softly closed the door behind her, and a small smile appeared on his face.

"Mom," he said, and Misato felt a sharp pain stab at her heart.

She smiled shakily at him, so filled with both sorrow and elation that she didn't know what to feel. "Hi, Shinji. How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Shinji replied, watching her as she made her way to his beside and sank into the chair that had been placed there. "What about you?" he asked with sudden, urgent concern. "They told us about the explosion in Matsushiro-"

"I'm fine," Misato replied quickly. "Just got a little banged up, that's all."

For a moment Shinji looked relieved, then concerned again. "What happened? Is the pilot of Unit 03 okay?"

"He'll be fine," Misato said quietly. "He's been through a terrible ordeal, and his left leg was severed, but...he's alive."

"That's good." Shinji leaned back against his pillow, staring at the ceiling again. "I don't remember anything," he sighed. "But I guess the Angel was defeated, right?"

"Right. You were beaten unconscious," Misato replied, reciting the answer Ritsuko had told her to give. "Commander Ikari activated the dummy system in Eva 01, and it took down the Angel."

"Asuka and Rei?"

"Both fine."

"Good." Shinji's voice was cool, detached. Misato watched him intently, slightly chilled by the unruffled tone of his voice. He was Shinji, it seemed- and yet he wasn't. 

"So how long do I have to stay here?"

"Ah, just until this evening. They want to make sure you're okay before sending you home. But you sure don't have to hang around in bed all day!" Misato smiled with a cheeriness that she didn't feel. "Want to go get something to eat?"

"Sure, Mom," Shinji said with a smile that pained her. Misato helped him carefully out of bed and gave him her arm to hang on to as they walked across the room.

She half-expected to find Rei and Asuka waiting outside, but the only one in sight was Ritsuko. "How are you feeling, Shinji?" she said with a genuine smile.

"I'm okay," Shinji replied, smiling back. "Mom and I are going to get some lunch. Would you like to come?"

"No thanks, Shinji, I have some things to take care of." Ritsuko glanced at Misato, and in her eyes was the same question she'd just asked Shinji: _how are you feeling?_

Misato nodded slightly, then put on a smile. "Too bad you can't join us, Ritsuko. See you later." Shinji waved, and they strolled off down the hall, arm in arm.

***

In the hospital's cafeteria, Misato loaded Shinji's tray with all his favorite foods for him, wondering if he would even like them anymore with his memory erased. _They can't have made him forget everything,_ she thought stubbornly, and was satisfied to see Shinji devouring everything in sight, though he was probably just ravenous after his efforts in the Eva.

They made small talk, Misato feeling very uncomfortable and Shinji looking at her in a concerned sort of way. _Poor Shinji, _Misato thought. _He could never understand why I'm suddenly a stranger; me, who is supposed to be his mother. _

Some time later Rei came to the cafeteria. Spotting them, she grabbed a tray and a single apple and came to join them.

"Hi, Rei," Shinji said, smiling at Rei as if they were very good friends. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Pilot Ikari, and yourself?"

Shinji stared at Rei. "Pilot Ikari?" he said, confused.

Misato mentally kicked herself for forgetting to tell Asuka and Rei that Shinji's surname was Katsuragi now. "Ahh, Rei's just a little fuzzy from the last battle," she said, faltering, while silently pleading with Rei to play along.

She needn't have worried. "That's correct," Rei said calmly. "My apologies, Shinji." 

"Oh, that's okay," Shinji said easily. He looked at the apple on Rei's tray. "Aren't you going to eat anything else?"

"No. I am not hungry."

Shinji shook his head. "I'm always hungry after a skirmish," he muttered, and went back to eating.

"Where's Asuka?" Misato inquired of Rei. 

"I believe she went back to your apartment."

"What?" Shinji asked with his mouth full. "She didn't even want to see how I'm doing?"

"You know Asuka. She…" Misato hesitated. "She might be a little weird around you for a bit, Shinji. She's, um, she's having her period."

"Oh, God." Shinji laughed good-naturedly. "That's always fun."

"Yeah, so don't take offense at anything she might say or do. It's just hormones, you know?" Misato laughed uneasily.

"Gotcha." Shinji finished eating and laid his chopsticks on his tray. "What now?"

"Well, I guess Ritsuko will want to talk to you, see how you're doing."

Shinji frowned. "I don't get it, Mom. I've been beaten unconscious before in a battle. It was embarrassing, but no one ever made such a big deal out of it."

Misato gulped, not knowing what to say, and Rei took her cue.

"I suspect they are worried about the pilots because of the incident with the fourth child," she explained. "Perhaps they are concerned about the aftereffects of hurting a human being in order to destroy the target."

Shinji shrugged, standing. "I did what I had to do. Or rather, the dummy system did what _it_ had to do. I'll go find Ritsuko now. Mom, Rei, I'll see you later."

Misato and Rei both stared at him as he exited the room, then at each other. 

***

To be continued.


	3. C.

A note from the Hime no Argh- 

Well, I'm happy to say that the reviews I got were encouraging, so I suppose I'll continue this and see where it takes me. Actually, the truth is I really know where it's taking me as I pretty much have the whole story planned out. In any case, I'm really enjoying writing it, so I hope everyone is enjoying reading.

Just to know- would anyone like the chapters to be longer? I don't actually have chapters for this story, I only have the acts and sections, so I can put up more per chapter if anyone wants it. Well, tell me what you think of the current chapter length. 

I don't own Eva. Enjoy.

*           *            *

Ritsuko's office in NERV HQ was littered with papers, but somehow the doctor always managed to find her way through them. She sat at her desk, looking at a printout so long that Misato would surely get lost looking for the end of it, but looked up when Misato knocked on her door.

"Ah, Misato. How's it going?"

Misato glowered at her. "I resent your cheeriness. Got any coffee?"

"Sure." Ritsuko gestured to her coffee machine, whirring at the side of her desk. A mug was placed underneath it to catch the steaming liquid. "Help yourself. Where's Shinji?"

"Thanks. He was feeling fine, and since you were done with the tests I told him he could just head home." Misato switched the machine off and grabbed the mug by its handle, leaning against Ritsuko's desk. She didn't drink, however, but just stared into space.

Ritsuko watched her closely. "I'm guessing you didn't just come here to get your daily caffeine fix."

Misato made a face. "No, I didn't."

"How are things going with Shinji?" Ritsuko wanted to know.

Misato sighed. "You read my mind. He's…different."

"Misato, I think you have to keep something in mind. His memory may have changed, but he's still the same person inside."

Misato smiled and sipped her coffee. "Is he? I'm not sure. He was…he was so cool about the Evas and the battles, when we discussed it. He reminds me of Rei now, a little bit- so technical. Only he said-"

"What did he say?" Ritsuko asked delicately when she hesitated.

"Just that he, well, did what he had to do." Misato took another sip and shook her head. "That is _not the Shinji I know."_

"Of course it isn't. The Shinji you _knew experienced pain and anguish in the Eva. Aren't you glad that's all over?"_

"I guess I should be," Misato whispered.

Ritsuko stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"I dunno," Misato sighed. "I guess it's cruel of me to say, but…it was as though all the pain and anguish…was what made Shinji Shinji."

"Hm." Ritsuko looked at the major speculatively. "Misato, I think you just need to get used to the idea."

"Get used to it?" Misato laughed derisively. "I'd better, since I'm supposed to be his mother."

*           *            *

Asuka lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. A clock ticked loudly on the wall.

_How could they do it…_

Tick.

_They made him someone else…_

Tick.

_He's not even the same old stupid Shinji…_

Tick.

_I don't know who he is…he's different…_

Tick.

_But I haven't even spoken to him…_

Tick.

_And I don't think I'll ever want to…_

"Oh, load of fucking crap!" Asuka threw her pillow at the clock on the wall. It fell and struck the floor with a loud crash.

Asuka climbed slowly to her feet and walked to the clock. 

"Stupid, useless thing…" Asuka kicked the clock hard. "IDIOT THING!"

"Asuka?" a familiar voice rang. Asuka froze, feeling like she wanted to hide. 

"Asuka, is that you?"

"Damn," she muttered, knowing that she couldn't just hide in her room and pretend she wasn't there. Well…she _could hide in her room. "Go away, Shinji! Don't you dare bother me!"_

"What's wrong, Asuka?" His voice carried from right outside her door. Asuka squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. It was no use; she couldn't help it. She spun and threw the door open.

He stood there, looking the same as he always did, and Asuka felt a sharp stab of pain in her heart. "Well, here he is," she sneered. "The brand spanking new third child."

He made a face at her. "Asuka, it's been ages since you called me 'third child.'"

"Oh, it has, has it?" Asuka shrieked, filled with sudden rage. "Is that what they made you think?!"

"Asuka, what _are you talking about?"_

"Nothing. Nothing, _Shinji Katsuragi," she snapped bitterly. "Now go away." She slammed the door in his face._

She heard him sigh. "Whatever." He padded away from the door. Asuka flung it open again and yelled after him, "Where's Misato?!"

He glanced back. "She told me she was heading to HQ."

"And when's she going to be back?"

"How would I know?" But then there was the sound of the front door opening, and Misato's cheerful voice.

"Hi, guys! How's it going?"

"Just fine, Mom," Shinji replied dryly. "Asuka's in one of her 'moods.'"

"Misato, I want to talk to you in my room right now!" Asuka snapped.

Misato sighed. "Can't it wait, Asuka? I just got home-"

"Fine! Guzzle a beer or do whatever, but you'd better come talk to me in five minutes!" Asuka slammed the door shut and sat on the floor with her back pressed to it, listening to the muffled conversation outside.

"Did you make it back from the hospital okay?"

"Of course I did. I know the way."

"Um, right. How do you feel?"

"I'm _fine, Mom. Why does everyone keep asking me that?"_

"Mom," Asuka muttered, furious. "Mom! ALL A FUCKING LIE!"

There was a silence outside her door.

"Shinji, excuse me for just one minute." Asuka heard the swift padding of feet toward her room, then Misato threw open the door. She stepped into the room, looking madder than a stung bull, and shut the door behind her. 

"What is the _matter with you?" she hissed. "What the hell are you trying to do?"_

"I'm not going to play along with this, Misato!" Asuka yelled. "I refuse to live this-"

"For God's sake, keep your voice down!" Misato whispered, panicked. "What do you want me to say, Asuka? I know you're upset about this, but there was nothing I could do-"

"You let it happen!" Asuka said furiously, but in a whisper. "You didn't even say a word-"

"Asuka, I have _no control over what Ritsuko and Commander Ikari decide to do, do you understand that? __No control!"_

Asuka fell sullenly silent.

Misato drew a long, shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Asuka. You're just going to have to learn to live with him."

"Or maybe I'll just move out," Asuka snapped.

"If you want to, Asuka, that's your choice. But you still have to work with him. Don't let your differences get in the way of your job, understand?" Misato surveyed Asuka closely, then turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

"So," she said cheerily from outside the door. "What do you want for dinner, Shinji?"

*           *            *

To be continued.


	4. D.

_A note from the Hime no Argh herself-_

First and foremost, I just want to thank everyone for the onslaught of positive feedback. I never dreamed this story would get so much attention for just a few short chapters. I wonder if maybe people remember me from the Family Counseling (which also got a lot of attention) days, or if the subject material just catches the eye. It's probably the latter; I wrote F.C. so long ago that I doubt many people recall it.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback, it's very stimulating. On par with your requests, I have made this chapter longer, though for future chapters I may have to shorten the length and/or cut back on updates, since I'm not that far ahead in the story (only on the second act- there will likely be three or four). But I'm not at that point yet, and I do write this story very quickly when I get myself going, so we'll see what happens.

Enjoy the chapter.

*           *            *

When Misato woke the following morning, the first thing she did was thank God that today wasn't a school day. Shinji's classmates had been briefed about his new identity, but Misato doubted not that they, like everyone, needed some time to get used to the idea. 

In the kitchen Misato found Shinji and Asuka eating breakfast in silence. Asuka was stubbornly avoiding meeting Shinji's eyes, despite the glances he kept throwing at her. A plate was already laid out in Misato's place at the table- fried eggs and steamed vegetables over white rice. 

_At least he didn't forget that today is his turn to cook, Misato thought as she grabbed a beer to have with her breakfast. She wondered if she would ever stop comparing the old Shinji to the new one._

"Good morning, guys," she said, plopping into a seat at the table.

"Good morning, Mom," Shinji replied with a smile.

"Morning," Asuka muttered, obviously still angry. 

"Well, do you know what day today is?" Misato asked. Not waiting for an answer, she went on, as though it were a big surprise, "It's grocery day! Now, I made a really big list for this week so I want you both to go."

"What?" Asuka bellowed. "But it's Shinji's turn! Besides, I'm...um..." She hesitated, swiftly casting around for an excuse not to go anywhere with Shinji, "It's laundry day too! My job's the laundry this week!"

"I'll take care of it," Misato said brightly. _Asuka has to get used to him, and no better way than to spend a lot of time with him, she thought._

"But- but-" Asuka sputtered.

"No arguing, Asuka. Here's the grocery money-" Misato handed over an envelope, which Shinji took. "-and the list." She gave to Asuka the grocery list she'd revised just last night, adding on about a million items so that she would have an excuse to send them together. "Get going as soon as you're finished with breakfast, okay?"

Asuka stared at the list. "What the hell do we need five boxes of condoms for?!" she cried. But Misato, chowing down on her eggs, pretended not to hear.

*           *            *

"Asuka, are you mad at me?"

Asuka, deliberately walking several paces ahead of Shinji on the way to the grocery store, rolled her eyes at the question. "What makes you think that?" she said sardonically.

"Well, you've been pretty bitchy lately. I thought we were past that stage where you had to pretend you hated me."

"Well, I guess we aren't, are we?"

Shinji sighed. "Just hormones," he muttered to himself.

"What was that?!"

"Nothing!"

Asuka stopped walking and whirled to face him. "Don't play games with me! Just because you're suddenly Misato's golden boy doesn't mean I-"

The emergency alarm blared suddenly, cutting her off. Asuka and Shinji froze, looking around instinctively for a sign of danger.

"Attention. A special state of emergency has been declared for Tokyo 3. All residents please evacuate to the nearest shelter. Repeat: a special state of emergency-"

"An Angel?" Asuka demanded. 

"Probably. Come on, let's get to HQ!" Shinji took off in the direction of the nearest elevator, Asuka close on his heels.

*           *            *

Misato burst into NERV's main control center and halted beside Ritsuko, the emergency alarm ringing in her ears.

"Late again, Major Katsuragi!" Ritsuko snapped.

"I was in the can!" Misato snapped back, then assumed a command stance. "What's the situation?"

"An unidentified flying object appeared about twenty minutes ago heading rapidly toward HQ," Aoba reported. "Currently it's hovering over Tokyo 3, directly over the Geofront. We can't confirm-"

A loud explosion cut him off, shaking NERV Central. "Oh my God!" Hyuga yelled in a panic. "It just broke through the first eighteen layers of defense!"

"Blood pattern blue!" Aoba added. "It's an Angel!"

Misato cursed. "Where are the pilots?"

"Right here!" That was Shinji's voice, from behind her; Misato turned to see Shinji, Rei, and Asuka ready in their plug suits, all three panting hard as though they'd been running. Misato smiled at them, a smile of relief, then turned.

"Eva status!"

"Units 01 and 02 are ready for launch," Maya reported. "Unit 00 is still in cryostasis. It can be ready for launch in five minutes, but the left arm is missing."

"Shinji and Asuka, get to your respective cages and prepare for entry into the Evas." As they nodded and dashed off, Misato turned to Rei. "Rei, I don't want to ask you to pilot a damaged Eva, but we need everyone we have to defend NERV. Can you handle it?"

"Yes, Major," Rei said without even a tremor.

"Good. Get to your cage. Get Unit 00 out of cryostasis and prepare it for launch!"

"Yes, ma'am," said Maya, her fingers flying over the keys.

"The Angel?" Misato demanded.

A resonating crash answered her. Misato and Ritsuko struggled to stay on their feet as the floor shook violently. "Angel has breached the Geofront!" Hyuga reported.

"Shit. What's the status of the Evas?"

"Units 01 and 02 are standing by at the launch bay."

The floor shook then so violently that Misato fell hard on her backside. "The Angel is attacking NERV HQ!" Aoba yelled, sounding panicked.

"Dammit!" Misato leaped to her feet. "Get those Evas launched!"

"The entry plugs for Units 01 and 02 are now being inserted," Maya reported. "Unit 00 is ready at the launch bay."

"Hurry it up!" Misato snapped. "If that Angel breaches NERV's defenses it's our lives!"

"Rei is entering Unit 00. Filling Units 01 and 02 with LCL. Harmonics connecting..." Maya stared at the screen, eyes wide. "Wait a minute, what's happening to Unit 01?!"

"Ungh!" It was Shinji from inside the Eva. "What...the hell...?"

"Shinji, what's wrong?" Misato yelled.

"There's...some kind...of pressure..." Shinji coughed and gagged. "Can't...breathe..."

"Harmonics are disconnecting!" Maya cried. Ritsuko hurried over to stare at her screen. 

"Oh, no," The scientist whispered, paling. "I was afraid of this..."

Misato rushed to her side and grabbed her shoulder hard. "Afraid of what?" she snarled. "What the hell is going on?!"

"Eva 01 is rejecting Shinji," Ritsuko said in a whisper that Shinji couldn't hear.

"What?! Rejecting...?!"

"Keep your voice down!" Ritsuko hissed. "The Eva doesn't recognize Shinji as its pilot because of his new memories. It thinks he's someone else, and is rejecting him."

Misato stared at her, filled with sudden loathing. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"  she said so venomously that Ritsuko stepped back. 

"We- we knew there might be a possibility-"

"Mom...what's happening?! Unnngh...I can't...breathe in here!"

"Hang on, Shinji! Dammit, Ritsuko, what do we do?!"

"What the hell's going on in there?" It was Asuka. "Why aren't we being launched, and what's happening to Shinji?!"

"Never mind!" Misato snapped. "Launch Units 00 and 02 to the Geofront! You two, hold off that Angel!"

"Right!" said Asuka and Rei as their Evas were launched.

"There must be some way," Ritsuko muttered softly, staring off into space. "Some way to make her see-"

Misato cursed and thought fast. "Shinji! Can you hear me?"

"Yes," he croaked.

"Listen very carefully. I want you to tell the Eva that you are Shinji Ikari."

"What?!" Ritsuko shrieked, but Misato ignored her.

"Tell it that you're Shinji Ikari! Say it, 'I am Shinji Ikari', and think it too, do you understand?"

"But...but why?"

"For God's sake, Shinji, just do it!"

Shinji gagged, and Misato winced at his painful efforts to breathe. "I am...I am...Shinji Ikari..."

"Louder, Shinji!"

"I am...Shinji Ikari..."

"Louder!"

"I am Shinji Ikari!"

_"Dammit, Shinji, say it like you mean it!"_

"I AM SHINJI IKARI!"

There was a silence as fragile as glass. Then...

"Harmonics being restored!"

"Nerve links connecting!"

"Synch ratio at forty percent...sixty percent...eighty percent!"

"Reaching absolute borderline...and clear!"

"Are you okay, Shinji?" Misato demanded.

"I'm fine," was the clipped reply. "Launch me."

Misato closed her eyes briefly. "I was getting to that," she muttered, filled with relief and, oddly, sorrow. She opened her eyes again. "Launch Eva!"

*           *            *

"Misato! Misato!"

Charging angrily down the hall on the way to see the pilots in the hospital, Misato ignored the sound of Ritsuko's voice. But a moment later the scientist caught up to her and planted herself firmly in Misato's path.

"Move, Ritsuko," Misato said curtly.

Ritsuko glared at her, breathing hard. "I want to know," she said between breaths, "just what the hell made you tell Shinji to say that he was Shinji Ikari."

"The need for Eva 01 to work, that's what," Misato snapped.

"You could've ruined everything, Misato!"

Misato lost her temper. Grabbing Ritsuko by the front of her lab coat, Misato slammed the scientist against the wall.

"Don't you _dare blame me for this," she said murderously. "You're the one who rewrote Shinji's memory. Anything that goes wrong is your responsibility!"_

"This is childish, Misato!"

"Did Commander Ikari tell you to confront me?" Misato demanded.

"No. _He's perfectly fine with the situation. As long as the Angel was defeated, that's all that matters to him!"_

Misato released her. "That _is the objective, isn't it?" she said sardonically._

Ritsuko glared. "You still didn't have to-"

"And what would you have had me do?!"

"Eject the entry plug! Let Shinji fight after we fixed the problem!"

"Did you care to notice how that battle was going, Dr. Akagi?!" Misato roared. "Did you notice that Asuka and Rei were both severely injured and would probably have died had Shinji been unable to fight? Did you notice that Shinji was the one who took down the Angel? Did you notice that he tore it apart, _limb from fucking limb? THAT'S NOT THE SHINJI I KNEW!"_

"Of _course he isn't the Shinji you knew! He never __will be!"_

The women stared at each other in silence.

"Different memory but same person, huh?" Misato said tightly at last. "You lie like a mattress, Ritsuko."

Ritsuko took a deep breath. "Misato, listen to me. I know it's hard, but you have to get used to-"

"Fuck that shit!" Misato snapped. "You might be fine living this shitty lie but I'm not! And if you think for a second that I'm going to let you or the commander use Shinji- or did you think I didn't know that you just want him as your pawn?"

Ritsuko colored hotly. "That's unfair and untrue."

Misato laughed bitterly. "More lies, huh? Admit it, you and the commander were so afraid of insubordination that you had to take his memory at the first sign of some backbone. No, you couldn't try to help him through his grief, you who made him almost murder that poor kid-"

"Misato-"

"No, you had to erase his memory and make him what he is today-"

"Misato, listen-"

"Just use him for your own sadistic measures-"

"Please!"

"WHAT DID YOU CREATE, DOCTOR, A MAN OR MACHINE?!"

"Shut up!" Ritsuko cried, losing her temper. "Your claims are completely unfounded and uncalled for!"

"I'm sorry, at what point did I give the impression that I gave a crap?!"

Ritsuko clenched her fists, breathing hard as she attempted to get herself under control. "Think what you want," she said tersely. "You'd just better not-"

"Oh, don't you dare start telling me what to do. Save that for the big cats." Misato turned her back on the scientist and began walking away.

Ritsuko yelled, "If you presume to disobey us and tell him the truth, we _will remove him from your custody!"_

Misato halted in her tracks, white-hot anger coursing through her. Then, in a deathly soft voice that rang through the cold silence:

"Go to hell, Ritsuko."

She walked away without a glance back.

*           *            *


	5. E.

_A note from the Hime no Argh herself-_

Hello again, readers. Today I'm putting up an especially long chapter because this may be the last time I post for a while. I'm going away for two weeks to my dad's, where I will have access to a computer, but how often is the question. I may be able to update a few chapters over the next two weeks, or I may not be able to update at all. Either scenario is fine with me; I have to slow down a bit so I can write a lot and give myself a chance to get ahead of my updates again. But I apologize for those of you who have to wait. It's a busy August for me. My mother's getting married this Friday and my bro's going away to college, isn't that nice? I'm jealous of my brother- one more year to go until I'm the one jetting off. But oh well. Anyway, once the school year starts, I should have plenty of time for updates.

Thanks for reading, hope you review. Eva doesn't belong to me.

*           *            *

Asuka and Rei, both still unconscious, had been placed in the same hospital room with doctors monitoring their brain activity around the clock, making sure there was no serious cranial trauma. Misato found Shinji, perfectly fine, waiting outside their room. The moment she saw him, Misato rushed to him and hugged him tightly.

"Shinji! Oh God, you scared me to death!"

Shinji endured the hug for a moment or two, then gently pushed her away. "I'm fine, Mom, see? Asuka and Rei were hurt worse. Stop it, you're embarrassing me."

Misato released him and stepped back. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "How's Asuka and Rei?"

"Not even a scratch," Shinji reported. "Of course, they suffered massive neural trauma, but they'll be all right. Rei had a heart attack, though."

"God," Misato whispered, mouth dry.

"A mild one," Shinji added.

Misato nodded, knowing well that the aftermath really wasn't as bad as it could have been. Eva 02's arms had both been severed- with the neural link still in place. Misato shuddered to think of how that must have felt. Unit 00's chest plate had been crushed, undoubtedly triggering Rei's heart attack, but at least both pilots were alive. And Shinji.

For a moment Misato stared at Shinji, wondering about the morning's events. After Unit 01 finally allowed synchronization, Shinji had simply charged into battle, attacked the Angel without hesitation, and tore it apart. Misato might have just let Asuka and Rei sit at home- they hadn't been able to help Shinji at that point and he hadn't needed them.

_Shinji is a born pilot, Misato abruptly remembered. __His synch ratio has always surpassed any expectations we projected for him, and he's defeated every Angel to come at him with little training. Erasing his memories couldn't remove that quality- but maybe what it did__ remove were the fears and weaknesses that limited just how far Shinji would go in this war against the Angels. Now there's nothing holding him back...and that scares me._

The curt tapping of feet against the tiled floor jolted Misato from her morbid thoughts. She looked up to see Gendo Ikari making his way toward them. He paused before Shinji, his cold, fathomless eyes looking over his former son.

"Shinji," he said in his usual crisp tone. "That was excellent work in the battle today. I'm very pleased."

"Thank you, commander." Here was another change, Misato thought- Shinji was actually facing Gendo, standing straight and tall, gazing directly into his eyes. 

"I expect Dr. Akagi will schedule a harmonics test soon to see if the problem that occurred today with Eva Unit 01 might happen again. I expect your full cooperation."

"Yes, sir. Any tests that Dr. Akagi wishes to perform, I will be glad to participate."

"Excellent." For just the briefest moment, barely perceptible, the commander's expression softened. "How is Rei?"

"She hasn't woken yet, but she's fine," Shinji reported. "She's sleeping in this room with Asuka."

"Very well. I'll see how they are doing. Shinji, Major Katsuragi." Gendo nodded curtly at them both, then entered Rei and Asuka's room, closing the door behind him.

Shinji made a derisive noise. "That man is so in love with Rei, I'm surprised he doesn't simply marry her," he said in a low, scornful tone.

"Shinji!" Misato stared at him, shocked.

"Oh, you know it's true," Shinji said coolly. "It isn't like he's very discreet about it."

"E-even so," Misato said, flustered. "That's really none of our business, Shinji- yours or mine."

Shinji shrugged. "Just an observation. However, I should think that it _is our business if the commander shows favoritism to Rei- which he does."_

"Shinji, I don't want you involving yourself in his affairs," Misato said, worried. "Even if it is unfair of him to favor Rei, you could do worse than ignore it. You don't want to cross him, believe me," she added quietly, remembering what had happened the last time Shinji had done that. Here was the result, standing right in front of her.

Shinji sighed. "No, Mom, I won't try to cross him. I'm smarter than that."

"I hope so," Misato said bluntly.

They both fell silent. Then, hesitantly, Shinji ventured, "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What happened today?"

She'd been waiting for this. "There's a glitch in Unit 01's system," she said automatically, reciting the answer she'd already prepared. "You see, the Eva's original pilot was an Ikari. Normally when we switch pilots we merely reconfigure the unit's data for a new pilot, but Eva 01 occasionally wants its original 

pilot-"

"It _wants?" Shinji said disbelievingly. "I thought they were just machines."_

"Not entirely. They have biological aspects, too, and Unit 01's neural system is most like that of a human's," Misato said desperately, with no idea if any of this were true. "We never thought it would happen, that the Eva would start looking for its original pilot, but...well, like I said, it's just a glitch."

Shinji mused this over for a few moments. "And that's why you told me to tell it that I'm Shinji Ikari?"

"Exactly," Misato said, relieved.

"So...which Ikari was the pilot?" Shinji inquired.

Misato hesitated. "Yui Ikari," she said at last. "Commander Ikari's late wife." As far as Misato knew, this information was true- Yui _had piloted Eva 01, once. On the day she died._

"I see." Shinji nodded, eyes distant. For several moments he remained silent, then his eyes sharpened and looked at her again.

"You know, when I was in the Eva and it was rejecting me, I felt something."

Misato's mouth was suddenly dry. "What did you feel?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"I don't know..." Shinji hesitated, then went on, "It felt like something...digging through my mind, almost. Could that have been the Eva? I felt like maybe it was looking for something."

Misato couldn't suppress her relieved sigh. "Undoubtedly that was the Eva searching for some proof that you're an Ikari," she said, knowing that it was perfectly true. And the Eva had found it--or rather, Misato had made Shinji confirm it. And yet still Unit 01 had hesitated, for just that fraction of a second...

A frightening thought occurred to her. _What if the Eva, linked to Shinji's mind, found something in there that is neither Shinji Ikari nor the Shinji standing before me? What if it found the third Shinji--the one we saw in battle today? Is that the Shinji with which it didn't want to connect? Or did it just want the old Shinji back?_

_But that's one and the same, Misato realized. __Shinji Ikari could never deliberately be so violent. This Shinji -this person who can smile and call me "mom" and rip an Angel to pieces in the next moment- this is the Shinji the Eva wants to reject._

_Am I just being paranoid? Or does the Eva see the truth to which we all want to blind ourselves?_

*           *            *

When Asuka woke and slowly opened her eyes, everything ached as though she'd been run over by a truck. Flashes of memory came back to her: fighting an Angel, searing, unendurable pain when her arms -no, the Eva's arms- were severed. Then Unit 01 leaping at the enemy, tearing, ripping, blood splattering everywhere before she'd blacked out.

She moaned a little, suddenly nauseous, and slowly looked around. She was in a hospital room, lying in bed. Here was Rei Ayanami, lying on her side on another bed, her back facing Asuka.

"Wonder Girl," Asuka muttered.

"You're finally awake." Rei's quiet voice startled her. Asuka carefully pushed herself onto her elbows and waited for the pain and dizziness swimming through her head to fade.

"What happened to the Angel?" Asuka demanded.

"Pilot Katsuragi destroyed it."

_Pilot Katsuragi...? Then Asuka realized she meant Shinji. Tears well in her eyes, and she sank back onto the bed. "Not again," she whispered, overcome with shame and sorrow. Turning her face into the pillow, Asuka began to cry softly._

She heard Rei shift in her bed and felt the pilot's fathomless eyes on her. "What's wrong?"

"I lost against the Angel _again, that's what's wrong! Shinji destroyed it!" Asuka sobbed harder._

"Why does it always matter what Shinji does?"

"Because I'm the better pilot!" Asuka cried, punching her pillow angrily. "It's not supposed to be this way!"

"I don't understand," Rei said quietly.

"Of course you don't! You're just a lifeless, heartless doll! And you're on his side, anyway!" Asuka buried her face in her pillow and wept bitterly. 

Rei remained quietly, staring at her fellow pilot, and after a few minutes Asuka's pain wracked sobs quieted some. Rei sat up and swung her bare feet to the cold floor, then carefully stood. She padded to Asuka's bed and sat, staring out the window.

"I don't like Shinji," she said at last.

Asuka abruptly stopped crying and looked up at her. "You what?"

"He's different now," Rei said. "When I'm near him, I feel cold. I don't like that feeling."

Asuka sat up. "_You feel cold?" she demanded with a touch of her old scorn. "You, the Ice Queen?"_

"He is harsh and unkind," Rei went on calmly, ignoring her silly remarks. "I think our superiors will soon regret changing him."

Asuka drew her knees to her chest. "I wish they hadn't," she whispered. "Changed him, I mean."

Rei nodded. "So do I."

"At least you don't have to live with him," Asuka said savagely. Then her voice quieted. "I don't want to go home tonight," she confessed. "I don't even want to look at him."

Rei stared out the window silently. At last she said, "You can stay in my home if you wish."

Asuka stared at her. "Say what? Did I just hear what I thought I heard?"

"Or you can go home. It's your choice."

"I'll stay with you," Asuka said decidedly, wondering what the world was coming to when Shinji showed some backbone and Rei Ayanami actually wasn't as horrible as she first appeared. _It'll be as awkward as hell, our little sleepover, Asuka thought with a flash of grim humor. __But at least I'll be far away from him._

*           *            *

"I'm _fine, Misato, will you stop asking? I only suffered pain like you could never imagine and the shame of being beaten by that- that __runt!"_

"Asuka, when are you going to learn to stop treating this like a competition? On second thought, don't answer that. Are you sure you want to stay at Rei's tonight?"

"Sure I'm sure. I'd rather be anywhere but where he is."

"Out of general curiosity, just who suggested it?"

"Rei, oddly enough. I guess Wonder Girl has a heart, after all."

"That's not very nice, Asuka."

"Yeah, well, I'm not a very nice person. Anyway, I'm not the only one who doesn't like Shinji. Wonder 

Girl-"

"I would appreciate it if you called me Ayanami or Rei."

"Whatever, Rei. Where was I? Well, she thinks he's cold. Honestly, you should just fire him for causing discord among the pilots."

"We're not firing him, Asuka."

"Well, I won't pilot with that imposter around! I-I refuse to!"

"Are you calling me an imposter just because I'm the better pilot, or is there some other reason?"

"What did you say?! Wait a second, were you listening to us the whole time?!"

"Well, seeing as you were yelling loud enough to be heard all the way down the hall, I really couldn't help but overhear."

"You little-"

"Asuka, let's not get violent, okay? Shinji, please stay out of this."

"Why, Mom? Asuka's acting so childish. Sooner or later she's just going to have to learn that there are some things she can never be the best at."

"You...you bastard! How _dare you!"_

"C'mon, Asuka. Come _beat me. That's what you want to do, isn't it?"_

"FUCK YOU, IMPOSTER!"

"Asuka, stop! Dammit, stop struggling! You two are _not going to fight in the middle of a hospital! Shinji, you are so grounded!__"_

"Soryu, Pilot Katsuragi is merely trying to goad you. Do you really want to rise to his bait?"

"...I...no..."

"Are you calm enough for me to let you go, Asuka?"

"...Fuck it. Fuck it all. Come on, Rei, let's get out of here."

"Shinji. How could you? I don't know what the hell's gotten into you."

"Nothing's gotten into me. Isn't Asuka the one with the hormones?"

_No. I don't know who he is. I really don't._

"Go home and go to bed, Shinji. I don't even want to look at you anymore."

*           *            *

"I see. And so, rather than go home tonight, you ran off to my arms?"

Misato laughed. "Of course. I could never just come here without an excuse." She then sobered, shifting restlessly on the bed. "It was weird, Kagi. _He was weird. He was so cruel, deliberately playing on Asuka's weakness like that. I'm worried about her, too."_

"Asuka's a strong girl." Kagi's hand drifted in her hair.

"No. No, you don't know her like I do. She's been on edge ever since her harmonics started to drop, and now this thing with Shinji..." Misato sighed. "Can you believe that she went to stay at Rei's tonight? They were actually getting along when I spoke to them in the hospital today. It was kind of scary."

"You know, it might be that Asuka and Rei are simply banding together to defend," Kagi pointed out. "Maybe they see the Shinji situation as us-against-him."

"I guess that's possible. Well, at least they have some common ground now."

"Right." Kagi paused for a moment, then asked, "So what are you going to do?"

"Do? There's nothing _to do," Misato replied dolefully. "Ritsuko and the commander make all the decisions, remember?"_

"You _are supposed to be his mother. Can't you use that to your advantage?"_

"Ritsuko already threatened to take him from my custody." Misato's eyes blurred with sudden tears. "I almost wish they would- I can't stand seeing him the way he is now!"

Kagi drew Misato into his arms and stroked her hair comfortingly. "There, don't cry. So you don't have influence over Ritsuko and Ikari. However, you _do have influence over Shinji. Start acting like his mother. Tell him to change his behavior or you'll ground him until he's in college."_

Misato smiled, despite herself. "I think that'll only go so far."

"Then you should keep this in mind- there are three more Angels to go through. You did just destroy the fourteenth, right? Maybe things will change when the Angels are gone."

"Maybe. Or maybe Shinji will decide to steal Eva 01 and take over the world," Misato said dryly, only half-kidding.

*           *            *

_How can Rei live in such a dreary place? Asuka wondered, letting her eyes wander through the gloom in Rei Ayanami's apartment. __I think I'd go crazy here. Well, at least she doesn't sleep on the floor._

Although, Asuka thought as she shifted her weight just the tiniest bit, it was awfully cramped. With she and Rei sharing Rei's bed for the night, there was no possible way to move without bumping into the other girl's unmoving form. Asuka stealthily tugged the single blanket toward her side of the bed, wondering how anyone could be so still without being dead. If Asuka was very quiet, she could hear Rei's slow, steady breathing, but that was the only sign of life.

Dammit, she was never going to sleep. Asuka exhaled loudly, hoping she could rouse her companion some, but Rei didn't even twitch. There was no way to tell whether she was sleeping or not- Rei hadn't moved a muscle since they'd shut off the lights.

In the end, Asuka simply couldn't stand her boredom. Better to try and talk to a lifeless doll than just lie here and do nothing. "Rei?"

"Yes?"

"You sleeping?" Asuka said stupidly.

"No."

"Great. I'm bored; let's talk."

"Why?"

"Because I'm _bored, stupid."_

Rei didn't reply. Asuka sighed, exasperated. 

"Rei Ayanami, you have got to be the most boring person I've ever met. Why don't you even try to pretend that you're alive?"

Asuka felt Rei shift on the bed and knew the girl was staring at the ceiling now. She felt the touch of Rei's hand barely brushing the small of her back and shifted restlessly until she was lying on her back as well, inching slightly away from Rei. There was a long silence.

At last Rei spoke. "No one has ever spent the night here."

"That doesn't surprise me. Maybe if you cleaned up around here a little, decorated, made some cookies or something-"

"I don't like being in contact with other people."

Asuka looked at her. "Why not?"

Rei stared at the ceiling and slowly blinked. "I don't understand people," she said at last. 

"Nobody understands people," Asuka muttered, averting her eyes. "You don't have to be so weird about it."

"I don't know how to stop."

"Well...you invited me to stay at your place tonight, didn't you?" Asuka asked, her eyes searching to find Rei in the gloom again. "That's a start."

Rei's hand was suddenly on her stomach. Asuka started. "What are you-"

"You are warm," Rei said. "You're different from me. You're warm, but I am cold and dead."

Asuka grasped her hand and moved it edgily away. "Look, you're not, well, _literally dead. That's obvious. You just act so...out there, sometimes. Maybe you should __let some contact happen, you know?"_

Rei sat up and looked down at Asuka, eyes dispassionate. "What about you? You are so concerned with earning the praise of others that you think of nothing else. You project yourself as strong, but you are really very weak."

"I don't have to take that crap from you, Wonder Girl!" Asuka snapped.

"We all put up walls," Rei went on as though deaf. "Defense is an animal instinct. We never let ourselves truly contact."

"Maybe we don't want to," Asuka said in an oddly quiet tone.

"Or maybe we're just afraid." Rei lay down again and faced the wall, her back to Asuka.

Asuka waited only a few seconds. But this time, when she asked if she were awake, Rei did not reply. Asuka sighed and pulled the cover over her head, suddenly glad for the warmth of Rei's body, lying so close to her own.

*           *            *

To be continued.


	6. II. A.

__

A note from the Hime no Argh herself-

Well, folks, I'm back among you with a new chapter for the time being. Unfortunately, this chapter is only a fraction of the size of the last one. Sorry, but I need to get ahead of myself before I can post a lot again. Unfortunately I'm not that far ahead in the story- only a little more than halfway to the ending of Act II, and the new act starts with this chapter.

I'm at my dad's now and he has a nice computer so I will probably get a chance to write a lot, but maybe not update a lot. Hopefully when I get home I'll have lots to post. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope you'll be kind and not reprove me for the length. Thanks in advance.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to apologize for spelling Kaji's name wrong in the last chapter. It wasn't until I looked it up that I realized it's Kaji with a "j"! Gomen nasai!

***

__

Act II: I once was lost and now am found.

"Well, Shinji, looking forward to being back in the Eva?"

Shinji grinned at Misato as they walked side-by-side through the twisting corridors of NERV HQ. "Absolutely. It took long enough for the repairs to be finished."

"An entire month," Misato sighed. "Of course, that is because the damages were so severe," she promptly amended.

"Yes, but Eva 01 was hardly damaged at all," Shinji said in a dismissive tone. "Ritsuko could have at least called me in for a test or two."

"Shinji, haven't you figured out why we insist on performing harmonics tests on all three of you at the same time?" When her son only shrugged, Misato sighed exasperatedly. "It's to synchronize your movements, like we've been trying to since day one." She considered adding a big, hearty 'duh' but decided against it.

Shinji laughed. "If Asuka and I couldn't synchronize after living together for months, how do they expect us to synchronize by making sure we all get tested in unison?"

"Well, no one really had any hope for you and Asuka after seeing how much you two clash."

"I wonder how Rei and Asuka are getting along?" Shinji said distantly.

"Frankly, I'm surprised they're getting along at all," Misato admitted. "Just goes to show you should expect the unexpected."

"So...Asuka's pretty much moved out, huh?"

"I suppose so. Asuka's pretty cozy over at Rei's place. They're even sharing a bed, she told me."

Shinji smirked. "Sharing a bed? What kind of relationship do they have?"

Misato shot him a disapproving glance. "From what I've heard, strictly plutonic. Asuka says they barely even talk."

"I bet Asuka gave up trying to start a conversation."

"Maybe." Misato shrugged. "But hey, you never know. Sometimes silence can be more meaningful than an entire conversation."

"At least where Rei Ayanami applies," Shinji conceded. "So is Asuka still mad at me?"

"I don't doubt it," Misato said bluntly. "About that. You'd better be nice today. We don't need petty rivalries interfering with the test results. Or didn't you think that you were a factor in Asuka's recent low scores?"

Shinji shrugged. "If I'm a factor, it's only because Asuka is so competitive."

"Well, just don't goad her, all right? I mean it, Shinji."

"I won't goad her, Mom, I promise."

"Good." Misato looked up as the entered the test facility to find Ritsuko waiting, standing next to a computer terminal manned by Maya.

"Hello, Misato, Shinji," Ritsuko said. "Ready for another test, Shinji?"

"Ready and waiting."

"Great. The plugs are already prepared. You can go get into your suit."

"Okay. Later, Mom." Shinji turned and went off to the lockers.

Misato sank into an empty seat. "So where are Asuka and Rei?"

"They arrived before you. They're either in the lockers or already at the cages," Ritsuko said distantly, looking out the viewing window into the test facility.

"Any tricks up your sleeve for this test?" Misato asked sweetly.

Ritsuko pursed her lips. "Not a one," she said tersely.

"There's a possibility of some unexpected results today," Maya added with a coy smile. "It's sure to be interesting test."

***

"They had some bulletins waiting for you at school today, but nothing too life-shattering, I'm sure." Asuka's voice carried through the curtain separating the male and female lockers as Shinji quietly slipped into the locker room and began shedding his clothes. "Hikari was going to take them over, but I told her I would since I live with you now, and some pervert _boys_ overhead. Naturally they started hollering and making jokes. What a bunch of obnoxious jerks."

"Maybe you shouldn't have spoken so loud, Asuka," Shinji muttered under his breath. He'd been clear across the classroom today, but had still heard Asuka's announcement to the class rep.

"Anyway, the bulletins are in my bag if you want to see. I figured I'd meet up with you here for the test. You're always here. What do you do here?" Asuka paused, perhaps to catch her breath. "Wait, shut up for a second. I thought I heard..." Asuka trailed off, then suddenly the curtain was thrown open.

"Ah-hah!" Asuka yelled triumphantly, radiant in her fiery-red plug suit. Then she focused on Shinji. 

"AGGGHHH! PUT YOUR DAMN SUIT ON!" Asuka flung the curtain shut. Shinji shook his head as he stepped into his plug suit and pulled it on. 

"Ugh...my eyes have been _soiled!" _Asuka whined from the other side of the curtain.

"Oh, shut up, Asuka," Shinji said irritably. "You're the one who had to open the curtain."

"You're the one who's _late! _Why the hell are you parading around naked instead of hurrying to get into your suit?!"

"I wasn't 'parading' and no one asked you to wait around for me." Shinji pressed the wrist compressor and the plug suit immediately molded itself to his skin.

"Eww! I wasn't waiting for you! Don't you _ever_ get that idea!"

"Gladly," Shinji muttered.

"Are you decent?!" Asuka snapped.

Rolling his eyes, Shinji got up and left the locker room, letting the abrupt _click _of the door shutting be his answer.

***

"So...tell me again why we waited until the Evas were repaired to conduct a harmonics test?" Misato asked around the pen she was chewing on as she and Ritsuko waited for the pilots.

"We're not just conducting a harmonics test," Ritsuko replied absently, leaning over Maya's chair to clack away at her keyboard. "We're also going to perform a compatibility test."

Misato sat up in her chair. "You mean you're switching the pilots around?"

"That's right."

"But Unit 01 won't respond to any pilot except Shinji, and Asuka only wants to pilot Unit 02-"

"Asuka is under NERV's jurisdiction and will do as she's told," Ritsuko said crisply. "As for Unit 01, we have to explore our options. Remember that Unit 01 was once compatible with Rei, before Shinji arrived. I have a theory that the lower Shinji's synch ratio is with Unit 01, the more like it is to any other Eva. If this is true, Unit 01 might just work with Rei or even Asuka."

"But will Shinji be able to synchronize with the other Evas?"

"I don't know. We know that Unit 00 once rejected him, but we haven't tried him with Unit 02. In any case, we may still end up with an unmanned Eva." Ritsuko sighed. "If only the fourth child was in any sort of piloting condition. We need spares badly."

"Well, have there been any reports on the fifth child yet?" Misato asked.

"No, the fifth child hasn't been found. Although SEELE..." Ritsuko trailed off thoughtfully. 

"What?" Misato demanded.

Ritsuko shook her head. "Never mind. It's nothing."

"Sorry to interrupt, but the pilots are waiting at the cages," Maya reported.

Ritsuko nodded. "All right. Get them into their entry plugs so we can start."

"Time to see who beats who this week," Misato said with a wry smile. "Anyone wanna cast a bet?"

***


	7. B.

__

A note from the Hime no Argh herself-

Giving in to the pressure, I have decided to make this chapter twice the size of the last one. Hope you're all happy! This may also mean that I'm going to have to hold off updating for a while, but we'll see what happens. Do enjoy.

***

"Hey! Hey! I wasn't finished with you!" Asuka ran after Shinji through the halls of NERV central, followed at a saner pace by Rei Ayanami.

"It's extremely rude to ignore someone!" Asuka caught up to him and darted in front of him, panting.

Shinji rolled his eyes at her. "What do you want, Asuka?"

Asuka assumed an offensive stance. "Don't give me that high-and-mighty attitude! Rei and I are going to kick your ass in the tests today, aren't we, Rei?" She cast around furtively for Rei, who was just catching up to them.

Shinji sighed. "You know, maybe your scores would be better if you stopped treating this like a competition."

"What?!" Asuka shrieked, outraged.

"You heard me. This is our job, Asuka Langley, not a game." Shinji stepped around Asuka and headed down the hall again.

"Was that a reprove I heard?!" Asuka yelled after him. "Did he just reprove me?" she demanded of Rei.

"Let's go, Soryu. They'll be waiting for us."

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Geez, people around here are so damn impatient."

Shinji went on ahead to the cages, but Rei stopped Asuka before they parted. "Shinji is correct when he says this is not a game," she said. "Don't treat it as one."

Asuka glared at her. "Are _you _reproving me now, Rei Ayanami?"

"I am trying to help you," Rei said calmly. "You do want to raise your harmonics, am I correct?"

A few weeks ago an offer of help from Rei might have resulted in Asuka punching her. _I guess we've all changed more than we thought, _Asuka thought wryly. "Yes, of course I do."

"Then concentrate only on your bond with your Eva. It is not an inanimate object. It is as alive as you are, and if you respect it, it will respond to you."

Asuka only gaped. "Alive? It's not alive!"

"Believe as you wish. What you choose to believe will decide your results." Rei turned her back to Asuka and walked away to her cage.

"Alive," Asuka muttered to herself as she walked off in the other direction. She paused for a moment, wondering at her own doubts. Was she really starting to believe Wonder Girl?

__

Wait a sec. Maybe that's _the secret to Shinji's harmonics,_ Asuka realized. _He's a terrible pilot, so maybe the Eva's doing all the work. And imagine me -the best pilot- teamed up with _my_ Eva? We'd be unstoppable._

All right, Evangelion Unit 02, Asuka thought as she resumed walking, a reckless grin spreading across her face. _I'll respect you as a living...whatever you are, and in return, you help me kick Shinji's ass. How does that sound for a plan?_

***

"Look at this, Misato," Ritsuko said happily, pointing to Maya's computer screen. "Asuka's synch ratio is up five points!"

"All right!" Misato cheered jubilantly. "You hear that, Asuka? Your synch ratio's up!"

"Of course it is," Asuka said arrogantly, sounding pleased nonetheless.

"What's your secret?" Maya asked, smiling.

"No secret to it- I'm just the best pilot, that's all."

"Actually, Asuka, Rei's in the lead today," Ritsuko said, repressing a grin.

"Oh," said Asuka, disappointed. Then she perked up. "Well, at least we're beating the third child!"

"Got that right," Maya murmured, sounding worried. "Dr. Akagi, Major, look at this." She pointed Shinji's synch graph on her screen as Ritsuko and Misato leaned in for a better look.

Misato gasped sharply. "How can his synch ratio be down twenty points?!" she demanded in a whisper.

Ritsuko sighed. "I guess it's to be expected. Unit 01 is rejecting him again."

"Yes, but _twenty points?"_

"I think we're just going to have to find a new pilot for Unit 01." Ritsuko raised her voice so the three children could hear. "All right, you're done. You can come out now. Maya, record today's test results: Rei in the lead, Asuka second, Shinji third. Misato?" 

"Yeah?"

Ritsuko smiled and stuck out a hand. "Pay up."

"Yeah, right on it. One hundred yen," Misato muttered, fishing around in her purse for the money. "You cheated, didn't you?"

***

"Well, commander, as you can see by the reports, the compilation tests were mostly unsuccessful. Shinji barely synchronized with Unit 02 and Unit 00 rejected him completely."

"What about the other pilots?"

"Rei had limited success with Unit 01, and Asuka could not synchronize at all. However, the girls both had moderate success piloting the other's respective Eva."

"I see. But that does not solve our problem with Shinji and Unit 01, Dr. Akagi."

"No, sir, it does not. I think perhaps..."

"Yes?"

"I think the best thing to do might be to restore Shinji's old memory. It seems Unit 01 only wants to recognize Shinji Ikari."

"And how would you suggest we go about with this restoration?"

"I am trying to create a procedure. No current success."

"I see. Then the pilots will continue to be assigned to their respective Evas. No changes."

"And if, in the next battle, Unit 01 doesn't work?"

"Then our other two pilots will take care of the problem. That's what they're there for, correct?"

***

X

"What the hell is this?" Asuka demanded, swiping her security card again.

X

"REI!"

"Yes?"

"It's not letting me in!" Asuka whined. "The card doesn't work!"

"Let me try." Rei stepped up to a terminal next to Asuka's and swiped her card. Both girls stared expectantly at the box. A buzz sounded and a red X appeared.

"Dammit!" Asuka snapped, looking in exasperation at the doors to NERV HQ. "Why aren't they working?"

"What's going on?" The new voice belonged to Shinji.

Neither Asuka nor Rei batted an eye. "Try your card, third child," Asuka commanded without turning. "Ours don't seem to be working today."

"Why not?"

"How the hell would I know?!"

Shinji sighed, stepped through a terminal on Asuka's other side, and swiped his card. The terminal buzzed.

"All right, what the fuck is going on?!" Asuka yelled, her voice echoing in the empty hall.

"Why aren't they working?" Shinji asked, twirling his card in his fingers.

"Don't ask me!"

Rei said, "Perhaps there is a defect in the security system."

"You think the power could've gone out again?" Asuka asked.

Shinji rolled his eyes and pointed to the ceiling. "See those lights, Asuka? Know what they mean?"

"Oh, shut up! _Now _what are we supposed to do?"

"Perhaps we should attempt to get in touch with Major Katsuragi," Rei suggested.

Shinji shook his head. "She's already at HQ. She was called in early this morning. Something about questioning."

"Misato's getting questioned?" Asuka said curiously. "What'd she do?"

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know, but she didn't seem too worried. She just said something about the big cats trying to rein in the commander again."

Asuka and Shinji both turned expectantly to Rei, but she only shrugged.

Asuka sighed. "So now what are we supposed to do?"

"Well, I guess we can consider this our day off," Shinji suggested.

"Hm..." Asuka smiled, her eyes suddenly gleaming. "Amazing, the third child had a good idea for once! And I sure could use a little vacation!"

"What if an Angel attacks?" Rei asked quietly.

Shinji shrugged. "I've got my cell phone," he pointed out. "Mom will know to call if there's an emergency."

"Perfect," Asuka declared, and held out a hand. "Give it here, third child."

Shinji rolled his eyes at her. "What for?"

"For emergencies, dumbass! Rei and I need to know when something's going on!"

"So do I," he shot back. 

"Oh, no you don't! I'm not hanging around with you all day!"

"Fine." Shinji shrugged and walked off. "I'll take care of any problems by myself."

"IDIOT!" Asuka hollered at his retreating back. "Haven't you ever heard of _teamwork?!"_

***

In the end, they didn't stick around together, but agreed to meet at the same rice stand for lunch to check up on news.

"So no word from HQ?" Asuka asked as they brought their lunches to a bench near the rice stand. Asuka and Shinji had both gotten teriyaki chicken over white rice with a side of vegetables and three sushi rolls, while Rei had a single cup of miso soup.

"Not a buzz. I would've thought Mom would check in by now," Shinji said, frowning at his lunch.

Asuka, her mouth stuffed with chicken and rice, asked, "D'you think we should try and call them?"

"We shouldn't disturb them unless it's an emergency," Rei said, and daintily sipped from a spoonful of soup.

Asuka and Shinji, seated on either side of her, stared at her measly lunch. "Is that _all_ you're going to have?" Shinji demanded.

"Yes."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "She hardly eats anything. No wonder she stays so thin."

"And how do _you_ maintain your weight?" Shinji asked, eyeing Asuka with disdain as she gobbled vegetables and rice from her tray. 

Asuka glared at him and mumbled something around her mouthful of food.

"Want to repeat that when you've swallowed?"

Asuka forced the food down her throat. "I _said, _I'm gifted with fast metabolism."

"It'll slow down when you're older and you'll get fat," Shinji pointed out.

"Oh? And what about Misato? She eats like a pig and never gains a pound."

"Misato's a special case, eh, Shinji?" said a cheery new voice as a hand clapped Shinji's shoulder.

Shinji yelped and bolted to his feet. The girls craned their necks upward. "Kaji!" Asuka cried joyfully.

He smiled down at her. "Hello there, Asuka. Hello, everyone. Did I scare you, Shinji?"

"Of course not," Shinji muttered, dropping back in to his seat.

"You were too scared," Asuka cackled. "You nearly jumped right out of your-"

"Do you know why our security cards weren't working today, Mister Kaji?" Rei interrupted.

"'Spect I do, Miss Ayanami." Kaji plopped down on the bench next to Asuka. "You see, there was a bit of an emergency today at HQ and they didn't want the pilots getting involved."

"Emergency?" Asuka demanded. "What emergency?"

Kaji smiled. "Nothing that should worry you. Just an interrogation."

"My mother's interrogation, you mean?" Shinji demanded. "Mom said she was going to be questioned today."

"She was," Kaji said evenly. "But that wasn't the emergency."

"So what _was_ the emergency?" Asuka asked.

"Nothing that concerns you, as I said." Kaji ruffled Asuka's hair affectionately. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. It's been taken care of." He looked at his watch. "My goodness, is it two o'clock already? Well, I'd better be off. I have an appointment to keep." He stood with a groan, his hand going to his lower back. "Hm. Looks like the years are catching up to me. But no matter; I suspect _that_ will be taken care of soon enough as well.

"Listen, children," Kaji went on, suddenly serious. "I might be going away soon and I don't think we'll see each other again for a while."

"You're going away?" Asuka cried, distraught. "But why? Where?"

"Wherever my assignments take me, Asuka, dear. I just wanted to say goodbye now in case I don't get a chance to later." Asuka opened her mouth to argue, but Kaji held up a hand. "None of that, Asuka. Just say goodbye."

There was a silence for a few moments. Then Shinji ventured, "Well, goodbye, I guess."

"Goodbye," Rei said quietly.

"Bye," Asuka said miserably. Kaji patted her on the shoulder, then turned and strolled off in the direction of NERV HQ.

Asuka barely managed a few seconds before jumping to her feet. "Be right back," she said to the others, and dashed off. 

"Mister Kaji!"

He stopped walking and turned back to her. "Yes?"

Asuka stood straight and looked him in the eye, separated by just a foot or two. "I want to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth."

"The truth." Kaji smiled as though that amused him. "All right, Asuka. I'll reply truthfully to one question."

"Then my question is this." Asuka swallowed hard. "Are you going to die?"

"Yes," Kaji said calmly. "Probably."

Asuka's heart wrenched. "But why?"

"For that word, you know. The truth." Kaji sighed. "The truth is such a complicated thing. I promised myself that if I could find just one piece of it, I would gladly die. And now I have."

"But the truth doesn't get you _anywhere," _Asuka pointed out miserably.

"Better than leading a life of blindness, my dear. For me, anyway." Kaji smiled indulgently at her. "You're too young for this now, but someday you'll know what I mean. Perhaps you'll even begin your own search. In the meantime, Asuka, try and enjoy your life."

"Goodbye, Mister Kaji," Asuka whispered.

"Goodbye, Asuka. It was a pleasure knowing you." Kaji turned again and walked off, and Asuka stood still for a long time, watching him.

***

To be continued.


End file.
